I am so glad I didn’t name this blog –Mikel in Burundi ---
because now it is the perfect place to share with all of you my next adventure.
Just like the quote here on my blog – this is the beginning
of something kind of scary, but I can’t wait to get past the scary part,
because I know that it is going to be great!
I am in the process of getting licensed to be a foster
parent – with the hopes of adopting through the foster system. For some of you this may come as a complete
shock, and others may wonder why I didn’t do this sooner.
Let me explain to you how I came to this decision:
Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. I used to play “mom” with all my dolls and
stuffed animals as a little girl. As I
grew up out of the play stage, I still greatly desired to be a mom. I have just been waiting for a husband, so
that I could start my family. This year
when I turned 34, I had to come to peace with the fact that even if I met
someone this year, the odds of being married and being able to start a family
would most likely be a couple years out.
That would make me 36 and, at a greater risk for health effects on not
only myself if I were to become pregnant, but also risk to the health of the
baby. Add all that to the fact that
pretty much all of my friends have struggled with either infertility or
miscarriages, or both, and my dreams of having a child of my own are seeming
more and more like it might not happen.
When I try to explain this to people, I am often met with, “oh, you are
young, you have plenty of time.” But,
the reality is, I am not that young, and I do not have that much time – when
talking about fertility anyway.
Over the past several years I have tried to get involved in
groups and activities where I could meet someone -- and I won’t go into all the details here,
but if I was willing to listen, I see now that God was clearly closing those
doors for me. Not closed forever, but
closed for right now. Just as clear as
those messages were – the message about becoming a foster/adopt parent started
to be presented to me. I had thought
about adoption off and on for years, but I always answered the question with,
“I do not want to intentionally be a single mom.”
Fast forward to now ---
It started with someone I hardly know, asking me if I had
ever thought about adoption. A friend
giving me a book for my birthday that was about a family that gave up
everything to go to Africa to care for orphans. A long talk in a hot tub with a good friend
about how much I wanted to be a mom, and that I was starting to realize being a
single mom might not be that bad of an idea.
Something popped up on my FaceBook page about the Spokane Orphan Summit
– and that same day my pastors wife mentioned the same orphan summit, and said
we should go together. Recently the
front page of the Spokesman review was about Spokane parents that did
foster/adoption. I am taking a class
right now about missions, and a recent class started off with the speaker
talking about how he became an adoptive parent of 3 girls from China and then
helped with an orphanage and getting more children from China adopted. There have been other things as well, but
these are some that have really stuck out to me. Now, one could look at these things as all
coincidences, or it could be like – I just bought a white SUV because I thought
it was unique, and now everywhere I go I see them! The reality of that is that they were always
there, but you are just now seeing them.
One could look at this in the same way, but I am choosing to look at
this as a clear message of a door that God has not only opened for me, but is
nudging me through.
You may wonder why not just adopt, or do invitro fertilization? Well, I am choosing the go through the foster care system, because of the incredible need. There are children that are already here, or being born every day that need a home that will protect them and someone to care for them. I believe that these children deserve to have these basic needs met, and I cannot say no to that.
Once I decided to pursue this, I can tell you that I cannot
remember a time where I have felt so much peace about where my life is going.
Am I scared…of course I am scared. Do I wonder if I will be able to provide for
the child that will be placed in my home…of course I do. Do I wonder about the health of the child and
pray that they will be healthy, but know that even if they are not, I will love
them with all my heart…absolutely! Do I
wonder if my friends and family will accept the child and love them as much as
I do….of course! Do I worry about what
I will do when they are sick, needy, not sleeping, not eating, crying for no
reason…. definitely! Do I worry about
how much time I will have with them, if I will have them for only a few days or
for the rest of my life…you bet! Are
these worries really any different from worries that a mom has when she is
pregnant with a child? I don’t think
so. I think these are things that all
moms to be worry about, and this is no different. When I told one of my best friends about
what I planned to do – her response was this --- “you will be an amazing mother
to whoever your child is, regardless of how they became yours.” This is the kind of support and acceptance
that I pray all of you will have. If you
are willing, this is a journey I would love to share with you, just like any
new mom would want to share with their friends and family. I can assure you that I have thought about
all the pieces that go into this. I know
that I am opening myself up to potentially get hurt – but I also know that
there are kids out there, that are living a life under circumstances that
someone else choose for them, and they deserve better – they deserve a safe,
loving, and nurturing place to call home.
If you feel like you really need to give me your opinions, I will listen
to them, but know that you are not likely to change my mind.
If you have known me for very long, you probably know that I
have a hard time asking for help. I
think this experience is going to teach me how to ask for help! J I know that doing this as a single person is
going to be challenging, but I am up for the challenge. Many of you may be wondering what does this
mean about going back to Burundi --- because if you know me very well, you also
know that I left a piece of my heart there, and I really deeply care about the
people there and want to go back. I
don’t see this new journey as putting going back to Burundi off the table; I
see it delaying it a bit, but definitely not taking it off the table. I would love to bring a child to Burundi with
me, and expose them to the love and kindness of the people there that I
experienced.
Once a foster child is placed with me, I will not be able to
give you the details of why they are in foster care, or the details of what is
going on with their biological family – so please don’t ask. I believe I can share pictures with you on
facebook, etc., but cannot identify the child as a foster child or use any other
identifying information. I am learning
more details about all of that now during my 27 hours of required training
while I am going through the licensing process.
I don’t know anything about the child that will hopefully be
placed in my home. But I do know that
they would be coming to my home out of crisis.
It could be that they were just born to a mom who is addicted to drugs,
and so they are going through withdrawals also. It could be that they have been a victim of
abuse, or neglect, or both. I don’t
know their story yet, but I do know that I can provide them a safe and loving
and nurturing place to call home, even if it is only for a short time. The ultimate goal for the foster care system
is to reunite the child with their birth parents or blood relatives. I know this going into it. However, that will not protect me from not
feeling any pain or distress when a child I have been caring for and loving is
taken from my home and back into the environment that they came to me out
of. This will definitely be hard, but I
am still willing to do it. Ultimately I
will be praying for a child to be placed with me, who will be able to stay with
me forever, and I will be able to adopt. Ultimately, whatever the situation, I know
that the time that I will have the child, I will be able to provide them a safe
and loving environment and that they will be better off because of that, no
matter if I have them for one day, a lifetime or any time in between.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for caring!